Productivity Blogs, Hypocrisy and Me Just Generally Getting Some Things Off My Chest

No, I’m not yelling at you, my readers, I’m just yelling. Even us happy cheery fellows can get mighty pissed.

Angry Pug For the past who knows how long, I’ve been deleting RSS feeds from my aggregator. The first ones to go are the “how to be productive” ones, or the “63 new productivity apps that will take hours to learn and mere seconds to irreparably destroy your life.” I’ve got none of those left now in my reader now.

And I like it.

Why I’ve Read my Last Productivity Post

First, I’m bored as hell with this whole subject. I pretty much was after the second or third post I read, months and months ago.

Second, I’m already productive.

Third, regardless of how brilliant the productivity info is, 99% of the readers are going to keep on doing what they’re already doing. Most likely that is something that has been working for them just fine. Be it Post-It notes, a notebook, phone calendar, whatever. It doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference. If it helps you be productive, it works.

And there’s this…

The Piece of Gold That Productivity Gurus Are Clueless About

For all the tips and tricks, none of the gurus seems to have noticed that productivity isn’t even the problem in the first place.

When we are interested in our lives, our projects and our hobbies we DO them. Happily and with passion. Hours go by in the heat of production and when we’re done our tendons ache and our eyes burn, but we’re not even slightly tired. We have to force ourselves to sleep while our imaginations continue to burn into the wee hours.

Nobody has ever habitually forced a passionate man into creating on his passion. If you like what you do, you’ll fit it in. If you don’t like it, blunt enforcement certainly isn’t going to help.

My advice is to stop being productive. Just go outside and take a walk. Go look at the sky. Go turn on your imagination somewhere, somehow, any way you can. And when you’ve found a passion you’ll know it. You’ll feel that trickle of adrenaline in your belly. Your pulse will quicken and you’ll know exactly what you’re going to do when you get back home.

The Real Secret of Productivity

This is so simple it doesn’t even warrant it’s own blog post.

How to get shit done

Make a list of things you need to do
Do them, one at a time or two or all at once, whichever works
When you get distracted and stop working…
…stop. Get back to work
Repeat if necessary

Yes, that’s pretty much it. Just wake up in the morning, make a list of important items and do them. If it’s more complicated than that and you need some guidance on how to actually make an effective list, go read Nick’s Todoodlist. It’s a brilliant, entertaining read and will change how you start your mornings.

Why I’m So Pissed

I’m tickled crimson right now because one of the gurus out there who runs the one of the largest productivity blogs between here and Neptune can’t seem to find the time to write me back and answer my two-sentence email.

Sure, that happens. I guess. But not with me. Not with James Chartrand and his partner Harry. Not with Nick Cernis. Not with Collis. Not with my mother and father. Not with some multi-million dollar execs I occasionally correspond with. Not with a bunch of other people who, no matter how busy they seem, ALWAYS write me back.

But why can’t this productivity whiz? Am I at the bottom of his to-do list? Or am I lost somewhere between his iPhone, Things, Basecamp, Moleskine and iCal productivity tools? Yes, that is sarcasm, but I don’t think it’s unwarranted.

“Well perhaps there’s nothing in it for him,” you say. Oh, but there is. I’m on assignment right now doing something that will no doubt make him and I both a good chunk of change.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to do the project anymore.” Possibly, but he sure hasn’t told me.

“Maybe he’s too important and has way more important things cooking.” Nobody is “too important” for someone else. We’re people. All of us. We’re here together, right now. My world is his world, and mine is his.

So what should I do? Give him the benefit of the doubt? I have already, going on six weeks. And besides, it’s no longer doubt. Now it’s certainty and first-hand knowledge that his business ethics, communication and just plain old manners suck.

Am I giving up on the assignment and throwing it all out? No way, dog!

I’ve poured myself into it.

And it’s good.

And I love it, which is why I’ve been carrying on alone, without input from the person who asked for it in the first place.

Nope. This assignment will be finished and will remain mine. I’ll sell it myself through my own sites, to customers who I will communicate with and respond to if they write me.

I won’t sell as many without his gigantic readership behind me, this I know. But it’s not about the money is it? It’s about the passion. It’s about connecting with one, two or a thousand people who care enough to write me, to laugh with me, to cry with me and to support a guy who doesn’t know much outside the realm of his own imagination.

These are people for whom I create. That’s a privilege, and it’s one of the richer payments I get for simply being alive.

_____________________________

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Life Myths #2 - You need to swallow your pride

I’m going to say anything stupid and cliche in this post like, “Your pride is all you have.”

Something I overheard today.

On accident.

While eavesdropping on a somewhat heated conversation:

“Just ask him for help already, swallow your pride.”

I didn’t hear the rest of it because I immediately ran out to make fun of these people on my blog.

I’ve heard it a few times myself in this life, “Swallow your pride.” One occasion I remember vividly.

I was in boarding school at the time, hundreds of miles away from my folks, and I’d been blamed for doing something obnoxious to/in the Dean’s office.

God knows, I deserved the finger pointing, as I was an active participant in plenty of shaving cream mishaps, stealing the stuffed moose head that hung in the cafeteria, midnight donut raids on the kitchen and even some fisticuffs to round it all out.

Now, I’d love to tell you what I did to the Dean’s office, but I have no idea. I didn’t do it. But nobody was buying that and I was being urged to apologize for my transgression.

“Swallow your pride, Charlie,” I was told, by an older person who should have know better. “Just apologize to the Dean.”

Though I didn’t know exactly why at the time, I knew something was dreadfully wrong with that advice. I’m older now (in years, at least. I still love the practical joke.) and I get why this is such terrible advice.

Don’t teach your kids this

Pride isn’t arrogance or a haughty demeanor. It’s not how much money you have or what you drive. It has nothing to do with being right or winning arguments.

Pride is the quality you put forth and exude into life. It’s the professionalism and feeling of “nothing is leaving my desk if it doesn’t meet my minimum acceptable standard.” It’s part ethics, part communication, part integrity, part desire to improve, part whole bunch of other shit I can’t think of at the moment.

So why is it that when this “swallow your pride” line sneaks into our lives, it’s in the midst of apologizing? Or admitting you’re wrong? Or asking for help?

Are we born with 100% of our pride supply, and then every time we learn something new or take a piece of advice it diminishes the total store?

“Can you help me balance my checkbook?”

“I would, but you just went over your quota of pride-reducing questions. You’re on your own.”

Come on. If you are good at what you do, or intend on becoming good, you learn from everything. Every book, magazine, online tutorial and opinion leader that you can. You keep your eyes and ears open and if there’s even a tiny remnant of sense to what you observe, you steal it and make it part of your arsenal.

It’s not an insult to get help or ask for it. It’s not a insult to your character to admit that you were wrong or to let the other guy win the conversation if he’s actually, you know, winning the conversation.

It’s not a character flaw to pay attention when some truly brilliant person is giving you advice. If you have pride you’ll listen because you want to learn, want to get better at what you do, want to make the best of what you got to give can I get a hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

If you’ve enjoyed saying “Hallelujah!” just wait ’til the next post when we’ll practice saying other words like “intestinal fortitude” and “rhinoplasty!” Subscribe now to be part of the choir!

How to take criticism like a champ. Or not at all.

“Think of how dumb the average guy is, then realize that half of them are dumber than that.” - George Carlin

Opinions and criticisms. They’re a dime a dozen. And they’re not always welcome.

Sometimes they change things for the better and sometimes they make someone seem like a useless windbag.

But you’re going to encounter criticism, often in regards to your handiwork and best efforts. This can get the raw emotions flowing even if everything is said with the best intentions.

What do we do about this? We can’t go around slapping people just because they have an opinion, even if they do have all the tact of a belt sander.

Well, what we do sort of depends on what kind of criticism it is and how it’s directed. There are two main types of criticism:

The kind that intends to help
The kind that intends to belittle

How do you know which is which?

Before we do anything about the criticism we receive, if at all, we have to recognize each type for what it is. The following lists will hopefully keep emotions in check and give you some analytical firepower to defuse the situation.

Constructive criticism indicators

It is calm
It’s often preceded by a moment of silence in which actual thought and observation are occuring
It’s not snarky, sarcastic, mean, antagonistic, evil, belittling or anus-like in any way
It’s often accompanied by concentration in the form of chin rubbing and thoughtful frowning (not to be confused with mean, jerk-frowning)
It is on-point and on-purpose, meaning it directly applies to the project at hand
It is not personal or directed towards a personality (yours or anyone’s)
It is results-oriented
There more nouns and verbs than adjectives
It is more fact based than opinion based
It is often accompanied by good conversation whereby further solutions and ideas are ironed out
There is usually a lot of head nodding and often a smile and handshake at the end
When it’s all over you know what the next step is and are excited to carry it forward
You usually feel like saying, “Thank you” at the end

The traits of nasty criticism

It’s antagonistic, covertly hostile and sarcastic
It usually comes faster than constructive criticism because the person giving it hasn’t really thought about anything before running off his fat mouth
It is often personal or directed at a personality and not the project
It is not results-oriented and makes you more confused than you were to begin with
It takes the wind out of your sails and makes you wish the whole project were dead
It leaves you with a feeling of mystery and confusion on how to move forward
You sort of wonder if maybe you were just insulted
Lots of adjectival opinions will be expressed
You say stuff about yourself afterwards like, “I’m not good at taking criticism,” or “I need to lighten up a bit,” or “Nah…I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.” (He did.)
Instead of thank you, you feel like saying “I hope a Portuguese Man-of-War slides itself in your left eye socket. While you’re being hit by a bus. In hell.”

How to take constructive criticism

My best advice in two handy parts:

1. Be quiet
2. Listen

Preferably, if you can swing it, do both at the same time.

If you’re on the road to greatness yourself, excellent criticism can certainly help shorten the runway.

That’s how you take constructive criticism. Constructive criticism sucks sometimes. Even with the best intentions behind it, criticism can make you feel defensive, or like your project or skills are no good. A whole gamut of emotions can result, but if it is indeed well-intentioned, you should take it in stride and glean whatever you can from it.

You could decide instead not to listen, not to learn anything, not to pay attention. Those are options for sure. But they’re the ones that won’t get you anywhere. Whatever your station in life, whatever your career, there’s a lot to learn. There are a lot of people out there who are great at what they do. If you’re on the road to greatness yourself, excellent criticism can certainly help shorten the runway.

How to take nasty criticism

My advice on taking nasty criticism is also very neat and tidy:

1. Don’t

Seriously, I’m not being flippant. For a change.

If someone has nothing to offer the conversation but his bad attitude, excuse yourself. As I said earlier, we’ve all got a lot to do to achieve our goals. There’s no reason to waste our time.

This seems anti-social. “Everybody’s entitled to share their opinion,” is the politically correct thinking behind this. “You should give everyone a kind ear.”

But why? If you lived next to a factory that endlessly belched out carcinogenic smoke into your living room windows, you’d move. Why can’t you move if some jerk is belching out insults? It’s understood that people have the right to communicate. That means there must also be a right to not communicate if you don’t wish to.

And besides, there’s nothing as anti-social as trying to cut apart another person’s handiwork with the intention of making them feel awful.

Yes, everyone has the right to talk. And everyone has the right not to listen to a word of it.

How to get away from a jerk

It’s really up to you how you do it, but what’s worked for me is to just end the conversation by getting up and leaving, or by making it fairly obvious that I’m done listening. How do you do that? Just acknowledge them. Sternly. Just give them a nice “thank you” with that tone of voice that says “I’ve met bread mold that was more intriguing than this.”

Short of getting into a pointless argument with them (because they’re not really listening anyway) you can say pretty much anything. Try these:

“Thank you.”
“I understand.”
“Wow. I’m gonna go check my shorts.”
And my favorite of all time. “Dad, I’m not having a good time.” I stole this from a Leo Kottke CD. I actually said that to a guy who was really going to town on me. I walked away while he was working that one out.

Well, smartass, what if the nasty criticism has constructive bits in it, huh? What then?

My viewpoint on this is simple: I learn whatever I can from wherever/whomever I can. I don’t discriminate when it comes to getting better at my craft. Just take what you can and get the hell out.

Luckily for you and I, usually the people who give the best advice are like you and me. They have put in a lot of time to get better at what they do. They’ve probably put in thousands of hours of study on their own, outside of classrooms or on the job. They know the value of work ethic, good advice and help. They too have traveled over quite a learning curve and will be more than happy to help you over yours. Plus, they’ll be so good at what they do, they won’t be worried about you becoming successful too.

That concludes this post, which must make you very very sad. Luckily, I’ll be back soon with another post that’s just as ~~brilliant~~ ~~intelligent~~ written in English as this one. If you subscribe now you won’t miss it!

Life Myths #1 - Do what you love and the money will follow

Do what you love and the money will follow

The first time I heard this I was about fourteen and all I really loved were Victoria’s Secret catalogs. I envisioned a grand future where all I had to do to make money was steal my mother’s mail, but alas my passion never earned me a dime. Mowing the lawn and weeding, though, made me quite a bit of dough. And I hated them.

Years later, after I’d been writing and drawing for more than a decade, I realized that I was again doing something I loved and still making no money at it. I started to fear I’d been duped by this old cliche and was a little worried that money and enjoyment were different sides of the same coin. Or worse yet, that they were different coins altogether.

Why I don’t buy it

Here’s a little story to illustrate it what’s wrong with this moth-eaten adage.

Billy Bob and his brother Cletus really love to sell fish. Every Saturday they fill up their rusty ol’ van with salmon, park it on the side of the highway right in the baking sun, put up their plywood sandwich board that reads “Samin. 5 dollurs a pound.” They stand there all day, trying to sell their product to passersby. They really really really love it. And they never make any money.

Why not? Is it lack of love? No way, they’re as passionate as the next guy. The problem is their nasty van. The awful sandwich board that nobody can read as they drive by. The fact that all their fish is caught down river from a nuclear plant and glows in the dark. Not to mention that buying salmon just off the highway is a somewhat frightening idea.

It doesn’t matter what you’re passionate about. It matters what the customer wants and whether or not you’re supplying it.

The only equation that really makes money

The only real equation you need to know to make sales is a very simple one. And contained within this equation is pretty much everything you need to run a successful business. The equation is:

The customer wants/needs something + You show the customer you have that something at a reasonable price + The customer pays you for it = The End.

In that formula love and passion never make an appearance.

The truth is your customer doesn’t care much what you think about your job or your product, insofar as the quality doesn’t suffer. As long as your product or service is what he needs, and is available at a price he can pay, you’ll make sales.

True Story Alert: The guy I bought my car from was an ass. About 12 seconds after meeting him I was thinking, “This dude obviously hates life, hates me, doesn’t believe in Santa Claus and would like to drive a stake through my temples.” After 3 hours of torture at this guy’s desk, spent mostly in silence or with me trying to crack his exterior with awful jokes, I had my car and I left happy. I’ll never let him sell me another car, that’s for sure. But I’ll be damned if his attitude keeps me from getting what I want in life.

True Story Alert #2: I recently bought an iPhone. It’s a brilliant brilliant product as I knew it would be. But the one thing I didn’t research before buying the phone was whether or not Steve Jobs was passionate about it. I never asked if the guys who put it together on the assembly line really loved it. I can assume they did because obviously a lot of people put in the time to make this phone just about the coolest thing ever. And when it comes right down to it, I don’t really care.

I wanted a phone that did X so I bought a phone that did X. The same will be true for your customers. They want what they want and they’re not going to check your pulse first to see if you’re excited.

Yeah, but isn’t this still good advice?

And now for a complete contradiction:

This is great advice!

Just because this saying isn’t true is no reason not to believe it, at least part of it. The do what you love part.

If you do what you love, the assumption is you’ll make a better product. You’ll put in more time building an intelligent business. You’ll create something new and unique due to your constant submersion in the field. And you’ll also be happier in the process because you actually care about what it is you do. You’re better at doing the things you like. Simple.

You can certainly look at your passions to help you choose a field to enter or a product to develop. Use them to pin down something you’ll be happy to put in the time to develop, to blog about consistently, to R & D until it’s perfect.

But after that, don’t rely on passion alone to bring in the bacon. It’s about sound business principles, providing valuable services and products, good marketing and the like.

Passion itself isn’t going to make you rich, but it greases the wheels and sure makes the trip more enjoyable.

Disclaimer for those about to make comments about my disillusionment

No, I’m not disillusioned.

Yes, I love what I do.

I design and write because if I didn’t I’d probably die of unhappiness. But I loved those things for a long before they ever made me a dime. They started making money only because I marketed myself, told everyone I met what I do and what I could do for them. The passion has been there since the beginning, but the money only showed up once I applied business to my passion.

This post is not advising to concentrate on cold hard cash with the dispassion of Scrooge. The salient point is to find something you love, do something amazing with it, create a product you can exchange for money and then apply intelligent business to it.

Don’t wait for people to find you. The world and the internet are too damned big for that. Speak what you do and speak it loudly. People will find you. When they do, that’s the time to win them over with your passion.