How to take criticism like a champ. Or not at all.

By Charlie on February 20th, 2008 | 3

“Think of how dumb the average guy is, then realize that half of them are dumber than that.” – George Carlin

Opinions and criticisms. They’re a dime a dozen. And they’re not always welcome.

Sometimes they change things for the better and sometimes they make someone seem like a useless windbag.

But you’re going to encounter criticism, often in regards to your handiwork and best efforts. This can get the raw emotions flowing even if everything is said with the best intentions.

What do we do about this? We can’t go around slapping people just because they have an opinion, even if they do have all the tact of a belt sander.

Well, what we do sort of depends on what kind of criticism it is and how it’s directed. There are two main types of criticism:

The kind that intends to help
The kind that intends to belittle

How do you know which is which?

Before we do anything about the criticism we receive, if at all, we have to recognize each type for what it is. The following lists will hopefully keep emotions in check and give you some analytical firepower to defuse the situation.

Constructive criticism indicators

It is calm
It’s often preceded by a moment of silence in which actual thought and observation are occuring
It’s not snarky, sarcastic, mean, antagonistic, evil, belittling or anus-like in any way
It’s often accompanied by concentration in the form of chin rubbing and thoughtful frowning (not to be confused with mean, jerk-frowning)
It is on-point and on-purpose, meaning it directly applies to the project at hand
It is not personal or directed towards a personality (yours or anyone’s)
It is results-oriented
There more nouns and verbs than adjectives
It is more fact based than opinion based
It is often accompanied by good conversation whereby further solutions and ideas are ironed out
There is usually a lot of head nodding and often a smile and handshake at the end
When it’s all over you know what the next step is and are excited to carry it forward
You usually feel like saying, “Thank you” at the end

The traits of nasty criticism

It’s antagonistic, covertly hostile and sarcastic
It usually comes faster than constructive criticism because the person giving it hasn’t really thought about anything before running off his fat mouth
It is often personal or directed at a personality and not the project
It is not results-oriented and makes you more confused than you were to begin with
It takes the wind out of your sails and makes you wish the whole project were dead
It leaves you with a feeling of mystery and confusion on how to move forward
You sort of wonder if maybe you were just insulted
Lots of adjectival opinions will be expressed
You say stuff about yourself afterwards like, “I’m not good at taking criticism,” or “I need to lighten up a bit,” or “Nah…I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.” (He did.)
Instead of thank you, you feel like saying “I hope a Portuguese Man-of-War slides itself in your left eye socket. While you’re being hit by a bus. In hell.”

How to take constructive criticism

My best advice in two handy parts:

1. Be quiet
2. Listen

Preferably, if you can swing it, do both at the same time.

If you’re on the road to greatness yourself, excellent criticism can certainly help shorten the runway.

That’s how you take constructive criticism. Constructive criticism sucks sometimes. Even with the best intentions behind it, criticism can make you feel defensive, or like your project or skills are no good. A whole gamut of emotions can result, but if it is indeed well-intentioned, you should take it in stride and glean whatever you can from it.

You could decide instead not to listen, not to learn anything, not to pay attention. Those are options for sure. But they’re the ones that won’t get you anywhere. Whatever your station in life, whatever your career, there’s a lot to learn. There are a lot of people out there who are great at what they do. If you’re on the road to greatness yourself, excellent criticism can certainly help shorten the runway.

How to take nasty criticism

My advice on taking nasty criticism is also very neat and tidy:

1. Don’t

Seriously, I’m not being flippant. For a change.

If someone has nothing to offer the conversation but his bad attitude, excuse yourself. As I said earlier, we’ve all got a lot to do to achieve our goals. There’s no reason to waste our time.

This seems anti-social. “Everybody’s entitled to share their opinion,” is the politically correct thinking behind this. “You should give everyone a kind ear.”

But why? If you lived next to a factory that endlessly belched out carcinogenic smoke into your living room windows, you’d move. Why can’t you move if some jerk is belching out insults? It’s understood that people have the right to communicate. That means there must also be a right to not communicate if you don’t wish to.

And besides, there’s nothing as anti-social as trying to cut apart another person’s handiwork with the intention of making them feel awful.

Yes, everyone has the right to talk. And everyone has the right not to listen to a word of it.

How to get away from a jerk

It’s really up to you how you do it, but what’s worked for me is to just end the conversation by getting up and leaving, or by making it fairly obvious that I’m done listening. How do you do that? Just acknowledge them. Sternly. Just give them a nice “thank you” with that tone of voice that says “I’ve met bread mold that was more intriguing than this.”

Short of getting into a pointless argument with them (because they’re not really listening anyway) you can say pretty much anything. Try these:

“Thank you.”
“I understand.”
“Wow. I’m gonna go check my shorts.”
And my favorite of all time. “Dad, I’m not having a good time.” I stole this from a Leo Kottke CD. I actually said that to a guy who was really going to town on me. I walked away while he was working that one out.

Well, smartass, what if the nasty criticism has constructive bits in it, huh? What then?

My viewpoint on this is simple: I learn whatever I can from wherever/whomever I can. I don’t discriminate when it comes to getting better at my craft. Just take what you can and get the hell out.

Luckily for you and I, usually the people who give the best advice are like you and me. They have put in a lot of time to get better at what they do. They’ve probably put in thousands of hours of study on their own, outside of classrooms or on the job. They know the value of work ethic, good advice and help. They too have traveled over quite a learning curve and will be more than happy to help you over yours. Plus, they’ll be so good at what they do, they won’t be worried about you becoming successful too.

That concludes this post, which must make you very very sad. Luckily, I’ll be back soon with another post that’s just as ~~brilliant~~ ~~intelligent~~ written in English as this one. If you subscribe now you won’t miss it!

Filed in : Happy Living