Microsoft proves why traditional marketing still doesn’t work
I can picture it now. It’s early morning and the marketing reps of Microsoft are gathered in a room to discuss the new tagline that will grace their commercials and billboards over the coming months.
The lights in the room are dimmed and there’s a PowerPoint slideshow glowing on the front wall.
The room goes dark as each new slide fades in.
“Great computers. Great possibilities,” reads the first slide. This gets some nods.
“Even lettuce likes Microsoft,” reads the next. “Interesting,” says one of the marketing guys, “but too…mmmm…organic. Next.”
“Where would you be without Microsoft? Eff’ed, that’s where!” reads the next slide. “Aggressive, bold…I like it,” says one exec.
“Life without walls” reads the next slide. “Wait!” says the lead marketer dude. “This one’s got real promise!”
And thus a new tagline is born.
What is a tagline and what does it do?
A tagline is a pithy, concise and descriptive explanation of you and your brand. It can be on a website, billboard, in a commercial, etc. The point is, it explains your whole raison d’etre in a line or two.
Here are some examples I’m making up off the top of my genius marketing head:
“We do web design” is a good tagline. It lacks punch and memorability, but at least it says what they do. When in doubt about using something cute or straightforward like this one, go for straightforward. Always.
“Saving you money. Every day.” Good tagline. These guys can save me money. When? Every day. I like it, and I’m interested.
“Stuck with a lousy husband? Don’t worry. We specialize in assassination.” Perfect tagline. Memorable. Funny. Descriptive and you know exactly what they can do for you.
“Tips for simple, productive and happy living.” My own tagline for IgniteLiving. Sort of blandish maybe, but you know you’re not on a site about gardening or funeral services.
And then there’s Microsoft and their new tagline.
Mikrozoft is teh epic marketing fail
Life without walls.
What does that even mean?
If I were to guess, I’d say life without walls means you’re homeless.
Or maybe it means you’re stranded in the desert. Or possibly you fell off a boat and are now surrounded by circling sharks who seem to have taken a liking to your cologne.
Ironically, it also means you can’t actually use Microsoft products, because without walls there are no electrical outlets and you can’t plug the fuckers in.
Life without walls is stupid. Really stupid. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t promise anything. It’s not memorable, other than the fact that I keep seeing it everywhere and thinking, “I can’t believe someone actually got paid to think of that.”
But of course, it’s not all bad. The silver lining to this brief tale is that I have a brilliant idea for a new Microsoft slogan:
“Microsoft…because sometimes you just get sick of stuff being awesome.”
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16 March 2009 @ 4am
Great visual to go with the topic! I can tell you first-hand that life without walls sucks!
How about “Microsoft – Free updates for your products. Only 15 minutes a day. Every day.”
16 March 2009 @ 6am
@Stephen
Thanks! And good one! I like your tagline, too.
I know I’m going to alienate some people with this post, but so it goes. It’s really more about effective taglines than anything.
Plus…I own a PC. Yeah. I know. I’m a total hypocrite. Live with it.
16 March 2009 @ 6am
Charlie,
Brilliant. Meaningless taglines are my pet peeve. For a huge corporation, it’s just a waste (pick me the next time you want to waste money on a tagline—I promise to be overpriced and worth it!).
For a small business it might be death. At least we all know who MS is, but for the little guy (after their incredibly important name), what else is a 24-7 advertisement (or a 24-7 FAIL) for your company?
Meaning, and promise. That’s what it needs. Microsoft: Because you hate Macs.
Done.
Regards,
Kelly
16 March 2009 @ 6am
I have a PC-compatible laptop, but I use Mozilla for browsing and e-mail/calendar. I use OpenOffice.org for my desktop publishing needs.
If I can get my hands on one of the new Touch Books I just may go to Linux…
16 March 2009 @ 8am
Kelly
“24-7 FAIL”…that is awesomeness. I could picture a website with that domain. It would track business failures, advertising gone wrong and Super Bowl commercials.
Microsoft slogan:
We know Macs are better. That’s why we invented the best browser ever: Internet Explor– Oh. Wait. Nevermind.
16 March 2009 @ 9am
Thanks. I can’t take full credit, though. If you don’t mind a little foul with your fail:
http://failblog.org/2009/03/12/wolverine-inflatable-fail/
The whole blog is hilarious but that’s one of my recent faves.
Later.
Kelly
16 March 2009 @ 9am
Kelly
Oh my gosh, that is an hysterical site!
There goes my day…
16 March 2009 @ 9am
I was reeaally lucky that I first found it on a weekend. Have fun with it. I won’t tell! 
20 May 2009 @ 10am
This post was so funny, I thought it was entirely a joke. Then I realized, you’re serious… that IS their new slogan.
Did you ever hear that old joke “in a world without walls and fences, who needs Windows and Gates?”
Cuz… um… yeah. Old joke. Been around for-EVER.
Can’t believe that’s their new slogan. Cuz… cuz… yeah.
20 May 2009 @ 10am
Amy -
Oh yeah…it’s no joke. I live in Seattle, the home of Microsoft, and I tell you the billboards are EVERYwhere.
And I’d never heard that “who needs Windows and Gates” joke, but that is brilliance!
Wow, thanks for the laughs. That was refreshing…
21 May 2009 @ 2am
Charlie, I’m still chuckling over it. If you google for “in a world without walls or fences” – 21,000 results. Plus another 64,000 if you use “and” instead of “or.” This wasn’t a little joke I heard once on a BBS, it’s got serious sticking power.
Somebody at the ad agency was asleep at the wheel.
30 September 2009 @ 4am
I hate MS as much as the next guy. Don’t get me wrong. I actually did advertising for them for a few years. (Got to pay the bills somehow.) But this isn’t fair — “Life without walls” is actually pretty good.
If you want to mock MS, why not go after their vista campaign, which consisted of repeating the word “wow” as if seeing the word would actually make me think they have a good product?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnswords/392544076/
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13 Brilliant Responses