The Dangers of Subscriberitis and How to Cure It

There’s an awful new disease taking our world by storm. You might have heard about it, and if you spend any time at all online, you’re at risk.

Doctors and internet specialists have just discovered an awful new disease called Subscriberitis.

It infects people of all races and income levels, but those most susceptible are young, very young, elderly, middle-aged, super old, male, female and anyone who subscribes to newsletters and blog feeds they don’t need.

There are many symptoms of Subscriberitis, including but not limited to:

• A full inbox
• Rapid and psychotic bashing of the “Delete” key
• Repeated dishonest use of the “Mark as Read” function
• Fear that your feed reader must be malfunctioning
• Paranoid suspicions that people update their blogs for no other reason than to piss you off
• Flagging interest in the affairs of others, even family
• Also dry eyes, cotton mouth, shriveled privates, swamp foot and constipation. Possibly also stunted growth and death.

Luckily there’s a free and somewhat ticklish self-exam you can perform in the privacy of your own home…

How to know if you have Subscriberitis

This simple and 100% accurate exam can be completed by simply answering Yes or No to the following questions:

• Do you have too many blogs to read?
• Do you even care about all those newsletters?
• Can’t be bothered?

If you answered yes, no or maybe to any of those, you have Subscriberitis really really bad.

Luckily there’s a cure.

How to cure Subscriberitis…at least for a little while

If Subscriberitis is the unprotected exposure to too many blog posts and newsletters, a logical cure would be to just get rid of a bunch of them.

And that’s exactly what we’re going to do. It’s time to start practicing Safe-Subscribing.

But wait! We don’t want you unsubscribing to everything under the sun or doing something you’ll regret later. Take IgniteLiving here. Unsubscribing to this blog would be a terrible life decision.

So, here’s a handy system that can help you determine…

Which subscriptions to keep and which to throw out.

1. I mean, really? Do you even read it anymore?
It’s painfully obvious, but why not just dump the ones you don’t read? I had a bunch of blogs in my RSS reader that I didn’t read for months. There was even one in there about math. Math?! What the…I’ve never even heard of that.

So a couple times a week, without even glancing at them, I’d highlight a handful of these feeds, click “Mark as Read” and go on my way. After a while, I realized I can save myself a bunch of time and just unsubscribe altogether.

2. Money, honey
Does the newsletter or blog subscription make you money? Does it increase your bottom line? Does it help you in any way to improve your business?

3. Time
Any newsletter or blog post is an investment on time. You have to read the stuff, right?

Well, is it worth your time? Does spending 15 minutes reading the information improve your life by 15 minutes? Will those 15 minutes have a return on investment? Or does that time just disappear, leaving you with nothing but a lasting rash?

4. Must-have Interests
I love playing guitar. It’s more than a hobby, but not at all related to my business or income. But that said, there’s more to life than money, and I can’t live without a bit of frivolous guitar immersion. It’s a must-have for me, lest I lose my angelic disposition.

And that’s the dividing line right there: is it a must-have or just a frivolous infatuation?

I mean, for three days last year you took a passing fancy to earthworm reproduction and the migratory patterns of cabbage, and now your feed reader looks like you’re preparing for a quiz show.

These and a bazillion other subjects don’t really warrant invasions into your life whilst you’re busy getting your show on the road.

And in those times when you do need a quick fix, well, that’s what Google’s for.

5. Happiness
A lot of people like TheOnion, a website devoted to humorous fake news. And certainly a lot of people visit YouTube. While neither TheOnion nor YouTube give us much, if any, monetary return on our investment, we don’t need to live spartan lives either. A certain amount of laughter and frivolity is absolutely as necessary to us as money and food.

Do the newsletters and blogs you subscribe to at the very least make you happy or provide laughter you might not otherwise get?

6. Broken Record Phenomenon
Here’s an example of the Broken Record phenomenon. I used to follow a guy who had great info about increasing sign-ups to your site and newsletter. I watched a video he made, learned about strategic spots to place sign-up forms and some resources to put in my sidebar.

Fast forward a couple months, now he’s got another handful of posts up and a dozen other videos and guess what they’re about? Strategic newsletter sign-up areas and sidebar resources. It’s a snooze-fest all up in here now. Deleted.

7. What happened to the old you?
One fella I used to follow focused on 3D modeling, something I’m rabidly fanatical about. And it’s not the most popular topic, so I was thankful I’d found him. But he suddenly changed tack on me, and pretty much all he talks about anymore is pinball. Yeah. From computer modeling to pinball.

I believe that’s the first lesson of How to Misuse Your Audience 101.

8. Is it an aggravation?
A while ago on Twitter I saw this witticism:

“Wealth impedes knowledge.”

And I just sort of went, “Gosh, really? That’s idiotic.” And because it was said by a guy of at least a little influence, I started envisioning all the kids out there taking it to heart, saying: “Hey, Pa, I hope I’m dirt-poor when I grow up so I can be really smart.”

It’s very petty of me, but I hate seeing stupid information like that because I get all bent out of shape and cry like a little baby. (Hey at least I’m honest, right?) To keep from losing the limited sense I still have, I don’t subject myself to the festering pustules on the underbelly of the web.

If it’s an aggravation, it’s probably best to be rid of it.

To be cured, you have to act

You brought Subscriberitis upon yourself, and only you can get rid of it.

If any of this seems complicated, just remember this simple bottom line:

If you don’t need it, don’t read it, and don’t get any joy from it, toss it out.

Also remember this:

It’s your inbox. What shows up in it is your responsibility.

I really hope the above helps you manage your Subscriberitis a bit better. With time, dedication and ongoing vigilance, you can expect to be cured and experience a full recovery.

Oh, and also remember to apply lotion. It’s got nothing to do with the cure, but it’s still nice.