Why people are unfollowing you on twitter

In which Charlie reveals why people might be dropping you from their Twitter lists like you’re a poisonous puffer fish coated in hot lava and rabid Saint Bernard slobber.

I‘m sure there are an infinite number of reasons why people might choose to drop you from their Twitter lists. I’m sure someone, sometime, with no thought about it, will drop you simply because they had a funky bagel for breakfast. That said, it’s fairly likely that two main overriding rules are the essence of any unfollow. If you’re the impatient type, stick with these bolded statements and call it a day. Then go make me some cookies¹:

Remember why people are listening to you and then give them something they want to hear.

Each little tweet takes up a tiny bit of time and is, in essence, a brief interruption. Use that time wisely.

Those are fairly broad and general ideas, so I’m gonna break them down into a few specifics that will make you go, “Hmm,” “Ahhh,” and stroke your chin wisely.

A commonsense guide to using Twitter

The basics are already covered

Every single person on this planet eats, drinks, sleeps and uses the bathroom. Unless it’s really news, it probably isn’t really news.

If you just ate a real live pterodactyl or passed a fire hydrant through your digestive tract, by all means report it to the masses. If not, consider the newsworthiness of such circadian items before letting us all know.

Nothing disastrous about sharing personal things, but minimize it where you can. Give us the goods!

Who does it right? @sushiday. Awesome Twitter user and blogger. She transforms food into something I really care about, regardless of the medium. And that’s saying a lot for a guy who rarely remembers he needs to eat at all.

Don’t JUST be a reTweeter

If people are following you, it’s because they want to hear what you think. I’m all for supporting my friends and reTweeting when something awesome comes down the interwebs, and I’m not saying it should always be about you. Part of the magic about Twitter is how reTweets can turn something awesome into something awesomely viral in a nano-second.

But it sort of needs to be awesome first. “Bread belongs on sandwiches,” isn’t really worth the reTweet.

So reTweet the awesome stuff or come up with original Tweets of your own.

Give us stuff we can’t get elsewhere

I’ve been seeing a lot of inspirational quotes floating though the Twitterverse. Mark Twain and Martin Luther King and Helen Keller are all alive and well on Twitter. Not a bad thing; some of their quotes are real doozies and they were magical people.

But remember that there are books and websites for this type of thing. Also remember that dead people, by definition, are no longer coming up with unique and inspirational quotes. “Carpe Diem” is old news for most of us now. And also remember that we’re not following MLK or Twain…we’re following you.

Go ahead and quote something old and well known, but don’t forget to be unique as often as you can. Give us a quote of your own, eh?

Who does it right? @jillkoenig. Jill does a splendid job of mixing inspiring old quotes with her own business acumen, personal tips, punchy adages. She’s the epitome of pithy.

Leave the TV out of it

Do you know how much I care about television? While it’s on…just barely slightly above zero. When it’s off…zero. When I’m on Twitter…even less than that. Nobody cares what you’re watching on TV and I’m guessing they don’t care who your favorite American Idol contestant is.

I guess you could make the argument that you’re letting your personality shine through by showing followers what you do and who you are when you’ve got free time. But I’d counter that if your personality is based on television shows…mmm…you got some thinking to do. And then you could further argue, but it would come out like, “Brhuyc, juadhbl, aiyha,” because there’s really no way to argue with me.

Remember why people are following you to begin with

While blog newbies still do it and always will, probloggers have for the most part caught on that going way off topic isn’t a good thing to do with their blogs. Unfortunately, Twitter goes that route a bit, probably because it’s still in its infancy and it is devilishly easy to post to Twitter.

However, just because it’s easy to post doesn’t mean you should. Grow your brand when you can. If you don’t have anything earth-shattering to report, it’s totally fine to not say anything at all. And when you do get around to Tweeting, make it on-topic to yourself. Report on cars if you run a car blog. Report on graphic design if you run a graphic design blog. Report on new products if you’ve got ‘em. Remember why people are listening to you, and then give them something they want to hear.

Who does this right? @John_Dickinson. John runs Motionworks, a great blog about motion graphics. On Twitter, John is completely and totally invisible unless he’s reporting something having to do with, you guessed it, motion graphics. I don’t know of anyone who keeps as on-topic as John does. And now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen John tweet something to the general community that was only meant for one person. Which brings me to the next point…

Twitter ain’t no chatroom

Subjecting all nine-thousand of your followers to a conversation you’re having with ONE friend is a lousy way to go about things. Unless the conversation is really insanely awesome and meaningful. It’s sort of like being on a subway in New York, while some guy is on his cell phone talking to his friend about his latest conquest or his grocery list or something. It’s invasive, in that really boring, “why must we all be subject to this,” sort of way that makes you equally want to be in a coma and hit someone with a large brick.

Also, realize that while YOU may be having a chat with @Joe, a lot of your followers might not be connected to @Joe at all. This means your followers are only seeing your side of the conversation, and that leads to an awesome string of Tweet lameness that looks like this:

You: “Doing good, you?”
You: “Dinner, then a movie.”
You: “Usually just olive oil, maybe a little salt.”
You: “Yeah, I remember that.”

Great. Awesome. Thanks for that really awkward half-conversation.

Remember, Twitter has a direct messaging feature which allows us to talk to @Joe without confusing everyone else. Use it unless what you’re saying is meant for everyone.

Tie in your job to your personality:

If you’re a graphic designer (and therefore have followers interested in the life and times of a graphic designer) Tweeting “my son just crapped his pants,” isn’t the best use of the medium. “My son just crapped on my Wacom tablet,” is more fitting and will strike chord with fellow designers, even those who don’t have kids.

Or better yet, add some real value: “My son just crapped his pants and it inspired me to create some unique Photoshop brushes (link).”

Don’t just be a journalist…be interesting:

Most people have sources for worldly news already, so when passing on current events add some personality to it. Instead of saying, “News on George Bush (link),” say something like, “I always knew that George Bush was a grundle (link),” or something. We can get news anywhere, but there’s only ONE place where I can learn what YOU think about the news.

Respond when people write you:

There’s one particular person I used to follow that I must have written a dozen times. I never once got a single response from him. I said before that Twitter ain’t no chatroom, which it ain’t, but to ignore that many messages without even a peep is super bad manners. One-sided communication starts to make you feel pretty invisible after a while.

How well or poorly you communicate (yes, even on Twitter) is a representation of how you do business. Make sure you’re not scaring people away.

Who does it right? @MenWithPens. James Chartrand of Men with Pens comes on Twitter nearly every day with a “good morning.” And he’s chatty. If you write James, he’ll write you back. He runs a six-figure business but still has time to talk and act like a human on Twitter, various blogs and everywhere else you find him. Hmm…interesting…wonder if there’s a connection there?

Twitter can help your business, make you friends and increase the strength of your empire. So use it, but remember to use it like a human living amongst other humans.

The next post is going to be so insanely incredible, if you don’t read it, it will probably take years off your life. Better subscribe now, eh?

¹: You may be wondering what sort of cookies to bake me. I would say any sort of cookie that goes into my mouth.↑